Tag Archives: transition

Another column in the North County Times

Posted by Mike Grice on

Here is my latest column in the North County Times:

“So what’s it like over there?”

It’s a question that I get a lot. It is also a question that gets a different answer depending on who asks it.

The problem is not the curiosity expressed by the curious inquisitor, but instead with their ability to process the answer.

To be a combat veteran is to have lived through experiences that are completely outside the perceptive reality of those who have not walked in the same boots that you have. As a result, I have learned that I have to be very, very cautious when I answer such a seemingly innocent query.

“It’s pretty hot and miserable,” I say to most people, “except in the winter, when it is pretty cold and miserable. I like it here in good old America much better than over there.”

That’s what I say now, anyway. I didn’t always have such a benign response.

The first time that I realized that I needed to have a different answer for that question was a few days after I had returned from my first tour in Iraq. I had spent seven months in a tough place where I spent no small amount of time trying to kill people who were trying to kill me. So when a very nice civilian neighbor sidled up to me at a neighborhood get-together and asked what it was like over there, I made the mistake of actually telling him.

“Well, we got rocketed and mortared a lot,” I started, “pretty much every day. The insurgents were always aiming for the chow hall on our FOB, and they would hit us at meal times. One morning, a couple of Marines were walking out of breakfast when a rocket hit one of them in the chest. All we found were his boots and bits of his ribcage…”

The look of startled horror on my neighbor’s face was something that I had never even considered. I didn’t know what to say after that, and I suddenly realized that I had no way to express myself to those who had not “been there.” What was, to me, just another day in Ramadi was to a friend who had no experience in such a place a terrible shock.

It was then that I learned that such a simple question required a more selective answer.

Last Saturday I met an octogenarian at a veterans museum. After we shook hands, he asked if I had served in the military. After I told him that I had spent a little time in Iraq and Afghanistan, he visibly perked up and told me that he had fought in Korea. Then he asked that ubiquitous question:

“So what’s it like over there?”

So I told him. Not about the weather, but what it was like to fight a determined and wily enemy. He listened, nodded and told me about the frozen hills of Korea. How he had fought with the U.S. Army’s 2nd Infantry Division against the North Koreans and how he and his unit had “bugged out” when they were assaulted by 150,000 Chinese soldiers from the other side of the Yalu River in 1950.

We chatted about what it was like to fight. Our wars were different, but we were the same: two men who had gone “over there” and lived to talk about it. He told me how he swore that he would never again climb a mountain but had somehow ended up retired in Colorado. I shared my desire to never see a desert again, much less live in one. He wondered at the amount of equipment we carry in the wars of today, and I marveled at how he survived the amazing experience of fighting his way through the ice and snow of the Korean winter to escape certain capture or death.

So if you ask me what it’s like over there, don’t be surprised if you get a pretty boring answer. Unless, of course, you have been “over there,” too.

Then we’ll chat.

http://www.nctimes.com/news/local/military/columnists/grice/grice-war-a-horror-civilians-can-t-grasp/article_9a00e52d-8ad7-5e50-a931-4088157c7331.html

Starting a new career, part 4

Posted by Mike Grice on

We have recently been talking about how to figure out what to do once you leave the service.  In the last string of posts we looked at what you would like to do in the future, and hopefully the exercise of listing things you like and dislike as well as what you are good and bad at helps orient you towards the future.

Now comes the second part of the equation: Where do you want to go?

This is important because it is equally important as what it is you would like to do with the rest of your life.  As a separating servicemember you are in a pretty good position to decide where you want to live; you can stay where you are or the military will relocate back where you first entered the service from at no cost to you.  However, if you decide to go someplace else the government will compensate you for the amount it would have cost to send you home.  If you settle someplace closer, though, you don’t get to pocket the difference.

The reason this is important is because aligning your career aspirations with where you and your family would like to live is critical.  Transition is a very stressful time, and there are a lot of resources out there to help you move to your post-military home and help find employment.  Unfortunately, those resources dry up pretty quickly once you are out and you cannot go back and undo the decisions you made as you transitioned.

The decision of where to live is what we are looking at more closely today.

There are three big considerations that come into play with your selection of where to end up once you become a civilian again:

1)  What will make you and your family happy?  You have likely been moving around where the military has ordered you to go, and as a result your family has made sacrifices along the way.  Your final move should be somewhere that you and your family want.  Family input is critical; after all they have supported you in your vagabond career so now it is time to listen to them.

2)  Is where you want to live consistent with your new goals in life?  You have more of an idea of what you want to do in the future, but can you do it where you end up?  If you want to be a great skiier then you may want to make sure you end up someplace with snow covered mountains, or if your life goal is to become a captain of a fishing boat then there had better be some water nearby.

3)  Can you afford to go there?  Your military relocation benefits will greatly assist you in getting to where you want to go, but once they run out you are on your own.  You really need to assess your financial situation, career goals, and family desires and make sure that you don’t make a stressful time even more so by putting yourself in a fiscally challenging environment.

These are big considerations because they all involve compromise.  To be successful it is imperative that you balance your career goals with your family and finances or you may find yourself in a tough spot without the ability to go back to the military for help.

So think about it.  Where do you want to go?  Sounds like time for another list, so take out a sheet of paper.

This time, though, give it to your family.  Ask them where they would like to live, then compare it to your goals and financial situation.

You may be surprised at how it shapes your perspective on life after the military, so take the time to really examine where you want to plant the family flag so that it is a place that you can really and truly call home.

After all, you have been serving your country for years.  Isn’t it time to get a little of the American Dream for yourself and your family?  You’ve earned it, and the best way to make sure it really is the dream that hope for make sure that your career goals, family, and finances are aligned.  If you don’t there will be a lot more stress in your future.

So sit down with your family and pull out another sheet of paper.  I guarantee you will be glad that you did.

Starting a new career, Part 3

Posted by Mike Grice on

A few posts ago I left you with four sheets of paper, each with a different title at the top.  Hopefully you have had some time to think, reflect, and list out those things that match the topic for each sheet.

The purpose of the four lists is to put on paper those things that are important enough to you to write down; the actual act of putting pen or pencil to paper is important because it is a record of how you feel about a particular part of your life.

At any rate, you should have four lists:

THINGS I AM GOOD AT

THINGS I AM BAD AT

THINGS I LIKE TO DO

THINGS THAT I HATE TO DO

Now here comes the fun part.

Take the THINGS I AM GOOD AT paper and place it next to THINGS THAT I HATE TO DO.  Put the other sheets aside for now.

Starting at the top of the THINGS I AM GOOD AT sheet, look for any matches in the THINGS THAT I HATE TO DO list.  If there are any matches, then cross them off the “GOOD AT” list.

When I did this the first time it was a startling exercise because I had never really thought about my talents and skills from the perspective of whether I liked to do them or not.  On my “GOOD AT” list, for example, was curriculum management for military training and education courses.  I have a lot experience setting up and running training programs, classes, and programs of instruction.  So much experience that I was actually regarded as being an expert of sorts on the subject.  That said, on my “HATE TO DO” list I had written down bureaucratic paperwork –  and that is exactly what curriculum management is all about.  I had never really considered that I did not like to do the tasks associated with curriculum development and management, but by performing this simple exercise I came to the realization that I really didn’t want to pursue it as a future career despite having many opportunities to do so.

Now move on to the THINGS I AM BAD AT and THINGS THAT I LIKE TO DO lists.

This pairing takes a little more consideration.  Just because you are bad at something doesn’t mean that you can’t get better at it.  So for this list, start at the top of the “LIKE TO DO” list and compare it to the “BAD AT” list.  It may sound odd, but maybe you like skiing but have never had a chance to hit the slopes enough to improve past the bunny hill.

If there are any matches, then ask yourself this question:

“I really like writing (or woodworking, or gardening, or school, or whatever) but I am not good at it.  Is it something that I am willing to dedicate my energies to becoming better at in the future?”

This is important because it may be a doorway into a new career path or other life choice.  Maybe you can go to school to learn how to be better at whatever it is, or perhaps you will find an apprenticeship or some other program to enter that field.  Or, if you really want to become a better skiier, moving to a state like Colorado or Utah may be a good idea.

However, if you are not willing to dedicate your energies to get better, then cross it off the “LIKE TO DO” list.

So now your lists should be a little shorter.  Time for the next step.

Place your “LIKE TO DO” and “GOOD AT” lists next to each other.  Now look for matches.  What do you like to do that is also something you are good at?  Circle those matches in big red marker.

Now line up the “BAD AT” and “HATE TO DO” lists.  Any matches here?  If so, circle those as well.

Here is the last step: Line up all four sheets on the table, starting with “LIKE TO DO”, then “GOOD AT”, then “BAD AT” and “HATE TO DO”.  These four sheets of paper represent the spectrum of possibilities that you can pursue, based on your thoughtfully created lists.

What strikes you on the “LIKE/GOOD” side?  Do any of those circled items jump out at you?  Is there something that gets quickens your pulse?  That may be a path to a rewarding future.  How about the “BAD/HATE” side?  Is there anything there that makes you nauseous?  You probably ought to steer clear of those.

This is really an exercise in thinking about your future.  All military people, whether they serve three years or thirty, depart the service with a set of skills and talents that they have dedicated themselves to.  Just because you were really good at your job in uniform does not mean that it is the only thing you can do for the rest of your life.  If you are not careful you will become myopic and it will significantly impact your future; if all you see yourself as is an infantryman then you will have a hard time finding a job in the civilian world.

A common problem that I see with veterans I work with is that they are fixated on who they were, and not on who they could be.  Their military past so rigidly defined their persona that they have difficulty getting past their short haircuts and affectation for military jargon.

There is nothing wrong with being incredibly proud of your service and the Marine, Sailor, Soldier, or Airman that you were whilst in uniform.  To start a new career, however, means that you must be willing to accept that you are no longer in the military but instead are able to follow a new path in life.  You may have been the greatest infantryman on the planet but if you want a job in the corporate sector you need to recognize that there are no infantry units in the civilian world.

Hopefully this little exercise uncovered some opportunities that you can pursue in the future, and it showed that you are capable finding a new and rewarding career for your life after the military.

If nothing else, it gave you something to do for a couple of days.

All it cost was four pieces of paper.

Memorial brings closure: this week’s column in the North County Times

Posted by Mike Grice on

Last weekend I was extremely fortunate to join many of comrades in arms from my first tour in Iraq.  I had not seen many of them since the 6th of March 2006 when I left the war-torn city of Ramadi and began the journey back home.  We gathered at a memorial service for the 83 Soldiers, Sailors, and Marines who were killed in action during our shared deployment.

It was a truly cathartic experience.  I was thrilled and honored to be able to join friends I had not seen in over half a decade as we paid our respects to the fallen.  I wrote about the experience for the North County Times:

I have been writing about PTSD for the last few columns because it is something that every combat veteran, including myself, faces upon his or her return to polite society. It is neither good nor bad, but instead just a fact of life that most veterans do their best to shut away in the dark corners of the soul.

There are occasions when light penetrates those corners, however, and this past weekend was one of them. A few short days ago I was privileged to be part of something that for me was visceral and heartrending and heartening and wonderful. I went home in a way that only those who have felt the bony finger of Death pass by without lingering understand.

Last Sunday, I attended the memorial dedication for 83 of my fellow warriors who died in Iraq.

It was a particularly emotional ceremony for me because it provided a bit of closure that been eluding me for over half a decade. It also brought me back together with comrades in arms whom I had last seen carrying rifles or driving tanks in the dust and heat of Iraq.

I spent two tours there, both in the war-torn city of Ramadi. I served there at the nadir when it was savage and bloody and relentless, with my first tour beginning in 2005 and my second ending in 2007.

Although I was a Marine, my unit specialized in fire support and liaison and we were tasked to integrate with non-Marine forces. We provided liaison and fire support to the infantry, tank and artillery units of the 2d Brigade Combat Team of the 28th Infantry Division, a U.S. Army National Guard unit from Pennsylvania and 30 other states. We linked them into the 2d Marine Division.

We fought side by side for months on end. I made tremendous friends with the Guardsmen and women, and was never short of amazed at how hard they fought and how well they worked together as a team. It was an honor to serve with them, and an even greater honor to be counted as one of their own. It was with these Guardsmen that I first saw the elephant, and it was from them that I learned to surmount fear.

Many, too many, gave their last full measure in Ramadi.

I chatted with my friend “Mac” McLaughlin on a chilly January morning before he went out to recruit candidates for the Iraqi police forces, little knowing that he would be struck down by a suicide bomber before lunch. Brent Adams, another Pennsylvanian, took care of my vehicles as if they were his own when we could not get support from the Marines. He was snuffed out by a rocket before I could express my gratitude. Mark Procopio, a promising young Vermonter, was mortally shattered by an IED as he came to my aid in a tough fight.

This past weekend, you see, was the dedication of the 2-28 Brigade Combat Team memorial in Boalsburg, Pa. The memorial, conceived while the unit was still in the fight in Iraq, was completed with Sunday’s dedication and remembrance of those who died. It was also a celebration of life for those of us who could meet, break bread, and pick up conversations that lay silent for over half a decade. It was the catharsis of sorrow and joy that only those who have seen the elephant together can fully understand.

It was an honor to serve with the Pennsylvanians and the Vermonters and the Utahans and the North Carolinians and the countless other Army and Air Guardsmen and women who made up the brigade. It was a thrill to see so many of them again on Sunday, and it was closure to finally lay to rest those 83 souls who gave their all.

It was a light that makes the dark corners a little less so, and one that will stay lit.

http://www.nctimes.com/news/local/military/columnists/grice/grice-memorial-brings-closure/article_6e545675-0de1-5994-9da8-f9133fe9c029.html

Starting a new career, Part 2

Posted by Mike Grice on

When I last left you we were working on a little self discovery.  A big part of starting anew is finding out what you are really suited to do; not just what you want to do or are good at, but something that will be rewarding and meaningful.

That isn’t to say that you can’t go out and be whatever you want to be, but we live in the real world and not everyone is independently wealthy or capable of living on dirt, rocks, and rainwater.  As you depart the service you have a whole new life to live, and the best way to live it is to have an idea of where you really want to go.

In the previous post I left you with four sheets of paper in front of you.  It has been a few days, so you should have one sheet filled out with a list of things that you are good at and another with a list of things you are bad at.  Go ahead an put those two sheets aside for now, but don’t lose them.  We are going to need them in a few days.

Now take out the two blank pieces of paper.  Our previous lists evaluated our skills, and today we are going to look into ourselves and evaluate what our desires are.  These are not the same things as skills!

Here is why.

Everybody has had a job that they hated.  Maybe it was delivering newspapers in the snow and rain, and maybe it was working in an office.  You were probably very good at whatever that detested job was, but just because you were good at it doesn’t mean that you want to do it for the rest of your life.

So, as you probably have guessed, you are going to pull the first sheet of paper out and write this at the top in big, bold, capital letters:

THINGS THAT I LIKE TO DO

List out those things that you really enjoy.  Not just work or professional items, but everything that you truly take pleasure in doing.  Maybe it is fishing.  Perhaps you love writing.  Maybe you love the outdoors…or the indoors…or watching football.  Your list is yours.  Take some time and write things down that make you happy.

As you have probably also guessed, the next sheet of paper should have this written at the top:

THINGS THAT I HATE TO DO

Go ahead.  Vent.  It is good for the soul to actually put on paper those things that you absolutely despise.  It doesn’t only have to be things that you abhor, so go ahead and include the things that you just don’t like.  After all, you are in the driver’s seat of the car that will take you through the rest of your life, so why not make it a sweet ride free from the stuff you don’t enjoy?  Think beyond the context of work – do you hate crowded places?  Cigarette smoke?  Broccoli?  Whatever it is, write it down.

Take a few days to compose your lists.  Have them handy and jot down things as they pop into your head.  Sleep on it.  You’ve got a few days until we take the next step, so go ahead and take your time.  Write as much as you can!  The more you vent the better you will feel, and also the more you write the more effective this exercise will be for your future.

Starting a new career

Posted by Mike Grice on

One of the things about transitioning from the military is that you cross a very bright line from being in uniform to being out of uniform.  One day you are lacing up your combat boots and saluting the flag while the next you are suddenly faced with deciding, on your own, what shoes you are going to wear after sleeping in well past reveille.

It can be a bit jolting. One of the most jarring bits is realizing that you have crossed the line into the civilian world, and that there is no going back. With that realization comes the need to start your next career, and that is what we are going to be talking about for the next few posts.

Before you can find a job or a new career you need to determine where you want to go.  For a lot of reasons it isn’t as easy as it seems!  Where do you even start?

You start by getting out four sheets of paper.

Take two of those sheets and set them aside- they are for the next post.  The two that remain are today’s focus. A real challenge that transitioning military types face is not just what they want to do in the future, but what are they suited for?  What is really a good career choice for the way ahead?

It isn’t that people don’t have an idea of what it is they would like to do next, but they don’t know how to get there.  How do they start a new and rewarding career? We’ll go down that road together, starting with your two blank pages. At the top of the first sheet write, in big capital letters:

THINGS I AM GOOD AT

Now start listing things that you are good at.  Not just work, but hobbies, sports, or anything else that you (or others) feel that are your strengths.  Maybe you are a great aircraft mechanic.  A terrific infantryman.  A woodworking hobbyist.  A mountain biker.  Whatever it is that you are good at needs to go on the list.

Now pick up the second sheet.  On this one, write in big capital letters:

THINGS I AM BAD AT

This one is more difficult than the things that you are good at because it requires a certain amount of reflection and honesty about your abilities and talents.  Once you begin, though, it is surprising how quickly it is populated.  Maybe your penmanship is terrible (like mine!).  Maybe you can’t type.  Really take a look at yourself; are you indecisive?  Maybe a little too decisive?  Are you overly aggressive or passive?  Are you an introvert who finds cocktail parties excruciating?  Afraid of public speaking?

Take the lists with you for a day or so.  Don’t expect to write everything down at one sitting, but instead jot down bullets as they come to you.

Then sleep on it.  When you get up the next day take a look at the lists again over your coffee and breakfast.  I guarantee that you will have a few more thing to jot down.

I’ll give you a couple of days to work on your lists.  Then we’ll get to work on your other two sheets of paper…..

Good luck and be honest with yourself – especially on the second list!  It will pay off in the future.  I promise!

Another column in the North County Times

Posted by Mike Grice on

Hello again!  I have been a bit task saturated this week, so I apologize for missing out on presenting more transition content.  I will fix that next week- I promise!  I did manage to bang out a column for the North County Times.  Here it is:

So there I was. All good military stories start that way —- even the true ones.

So there I was. I had experienced a jarring moment of clarity and recognized that I had PTSD. After quickly going through things like denial and blame shifting, I decided that I did indeed have a problem —- and in typical Marine Corps fashion, it was up to me to figure out what to do about it. Waiting around for someone else to show up and solve your problems is not how Marines operate, so I swallowed my pride and picked up the phone.

I called the Deployment Health Center on Camp Pendleton. They were surprisingly supportive and had obviously received plenty of calls from pensive Marines who, like me, were seeking help but were not quite sure how to go about it.

“Come on down,” said the voice on the other end of the line, “We’re here to help!”

So down I came. The center, next to the Wounded Warrior battalion and just down the road from the base hospital, is specially designated to help Marines and sailors returning from combat deal with the stresses associated with deployment and the return to society. In typical military fashion, it is an unassuming “temporary” building that has been in use for years and will likely be there for many more years to come, but in its own quaint, utilitarian way, that is perfectly OK. What it looks like is not nearly as important as what goes on inside.

In I went, and as I walked down the passageway I was instantly conscious that all eyes were upon me as I passed by Marines and sailors and civilians. I felt a little uncomfortable, particularly considering the enthusiastic reception that I had received on the telephone only a few minutes before.

I found the door I was looking for and went in. Several Marines were seated in a small reception area, and they warily glanced in my direction, then quickly looked away. Odd.

At the reception counter, I was met by an obviously efficient and experienced receptionist who unflinchingly looked me squarely in the eye and asked if there was anything she could do for me.

As I explained that I was there to arrange for an appointment her features softened, and she smiled. “Sure!” she said. “We’ll set you right up. Please fill out these forms and bring them back up as soon as you are finished.”

So I found a seat in the waiting room and started writing. As I did so, the tension flowed out of the room, and the atmosphere subtly changed.

It changed because when I walked into the room, I was perceived as a personification of the institution that is the Marine Corps —- a senior officer and an authority figure who was intruding into the sanctuary of the Deployment Health Center, where people who were not seeking help are outside the circle of trust.

As I penned my answers to the questions on my clipboarded form, however, my threatening stature as an instrument of authority evaporated, and it became clear that I was not looking for people who were seeking help. I was joining them.

During the year and a half of Wednesday afternoons I spent at the center, I noticed something. I must have seen hundreds of others seeking help, but in all of that time I saw a grand total of one other officer seeking treatment, and one senior enlisted Marine.

No wonder I was viewed with distrust when I first showed up; so few leaders sought help that to see someone like me in the building was surprising. I was a statistical outlier, but not because I was the only one of my age and rank who suffered from PTSD. There are many more like me.

But they stay away.

And the winner is…….

Posted by Mike Grice on

Well, if you are reading this post then you see the new format for Orders to Nowhere.  Many sincere thanks to everyone who helped me decide on a new look!  I received a lot of feedback from posts here on the blog as well as emails and Facebook messages.  Overall the most popular look was light grey text on a darker grey background (as you are reading now) but the format was “clunky” and unpopular.

So, as a compromise, I found this format.  I hope that you find it easier to read!!

Now, back to some transition stuff.

I got another letter from the Veterans Administration today.  I was excited, because I am expecting to hear from them in regards to any disability rating that I may have been assigned, but wary because they have teased me before.

Well, guess what.  Here is what the letter said:  “We are still processing your application…”

Sigh.

Teased again.

It has been nearly nine months since I submitted my package to the VA, and despite my efforts to be efficient and proactive my package sits forlornly on some desk somewhere as it wends its way through the bureaucracy.  At least I am not alone in my plight, though.  According to a recent article in the New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/us/bay-area-veterans-disability-claims-are-buried-under-paperwork.html?pagewanted=all) returning veterans in the San Francisco Bay area are waiting an average of 313 days for a decision to be made on their case.

My simple math puts me around the 270 day mark, so I should receive at least one more monthly reminder that the VA is still processing my application.

I’m not complaining, though.  After all, nobody is shooting at me and the VA does have my address.  I’ll just keep an eye on the mailbox…

Last chance! Help pick a new look for Orderstonowhere (Day 4)

Posted by Mike Grice on

This is it!  The last day to vote on what you would like Orders to Nowhere to look like.  For those just checking in, here is what’s going on:

it recently came to my attention that some of you, my friends and followers, have a hard time reading the white text on the dark background.  In order to make sure that my posts are as easy to follow as possible, I am conducting a test.  For the rest of the week I am going to change the look of the page three times.  You, the reader, get to pick how it will look.  I will post each new page for 24 hours, and the page style that receives the most “likes” will be the one that I use in the future.

Thanks for participating in this test- Ready, Set, Vote!

Here is a recap:

Day 1 – larger black text font on a white background.

Day 2 –  medium light grey font on a dark grey background

Day 3 – light blue font on a darker blue background

Day 4 – the original format (smaller white font on a black background)

We’ll get back to the thrilling adventure of transition as soon as we pick a new page.  Let me know what you like and I will announce the results on Monday as we unveil the new look…

A test: Help choose a new look for Orderstonowhere (Day 3)

Posted by Mike Grice on

Hello again!

It is now day three of our test to see which format is best for my blog.  So far there has been a lot of positive feedback on the larger font and change in background color.  Thanks for participating and helping me decide!  Today we are trying something a little different with blues both light and dark.

For those just joining us, here is what is going on:

t recently came to my attention that some of you, my friends and followers, have a hard time reading the white text on the dark background.  In order to make sure that my posts are as easy to follow as possible, I am conducting a test.  For the rest of the week I am going to change the look of the page three times.  You, the reader, get to pick how it will look.  I will post each new page for 24 hours, and the page style that receives the most “likes” will be the one that I use in the future.

Thanks for participating in this test- Ready, Set, Vote!

We’ll get back to the thrilling adventure of transition as soon as we pick a new page…